my story

Raised an honest Texas girl with the free-spirit of California in my bones. Is who I am, where I came from? No, geographically speaking, but I do believe where we grow up molds our reflection of self. Our environment is the gateway of our attention; shaping the perspective of our life. Who we are IS ultimately where we came from. My truest enlightenment knows it’s what we’re all made of…PURE LOVE.

I grew up a question maker; always curious, driven and inspired by life’s mystery. My story is shared by all; full of strife, experiences of excitement, fear, courage, pain and LOVE. And even though the description of our experiences through written language may be infinite; I truly believe our connection can only survive through the sharing of our stories, gifts and lessons that teach us all to become a more compassionate people.

I began writing as a child to get the stories out of my head. I also became enthralled by the personal stories written by others; the beginning of a spark to what I call connected awareness. Something happened during childhood that slowly separated me from this soulful and connected place. Life distractions, tragedy and pain I held inside, eventually led me back to writing; but this time to get the misery out of my head. I slowly began to despise my writing for the negative places it was taking me. But, I now see clearly in gratitude for the highs and lows, that your passion can be your connection to joy and your pathway to darkness. Your passion can lead you straight to your highest expression of healing.

So, who I am IS where I came from. I came from LOVE and what I carry within me is a breathing example and gift I am meant to express in life. We are all part of this beautifully created matrix of life; created out of LOVE for the purpose of serving LOVE. The more love you see, the more love you feel; ultimately the more love you have to give. This is the infinite loop of our eternal love. Journey to the depths of your soul; discover your burning desire and your inclination to inspire. Create the space to willingly and intently love yourself. How do we love? Embrace everything; the angry voices in your mind, the pain in your life and the blessings in disguise. Your embrace can be your gratitude. In this gratitude you find the spirit of true love!

Why am I revealing myself openly? To share my story and my passion...it is with true purpose that I hope my own creative expression points you to a heightened awareness of your own true LOVE.

BACKSTORY ON MY SOUL’S COME BACK - -

There was a turning point in my life when I realized what had been holding me back was how I reach for love and connection to truth. I knew, and was taught as a child to pray. I imagined I connected with this protector of a man and leaned on 'him' as my “go to guy” for comfort - AKA GOD. As I grew away from religion, I felt liberated from the dogma and judgment, but also lost where to connect with love. I had conflicting beliefs about who was GOD and what was "spirit" in my life. I longed for connection to truth! The falling has been my truth finder.

Countless self-empowerment books lead me to glimpse my ‘God within’, but I was still missing a relationship with the Divine, Creator, Body Intellegence; the mystery that cannot be labeled, but have denied feeling because of limiting associations to my prior religious relationship to God. There is a spirit guidance greater than this body and spirit within us; we are part of a whole.

We have the grace within, but without the faith in divine LOVE, or however you may connect to the Infinite, you will always feel disconnected and unfulfilled.

There came a place in time when I felt a deep revelation and awakening begin to lift the veil of illusion. My inner love and ability to tap into my own worthiness was healing and growing. Working through my inner trappings, wounds, and creating more mindfulness was only the beginning. I found my higher self again. I can say a prayer, meditation or whatever modality I choose to reach this sacred true space I call home. I can live as my true essense. My mind ignites, “is this for real? Do you really believe yourself”? Now, I make a choice and stand with a life-affirming YES! EMBRACING back my relationship with love. With practice I continue to love and grow my inner goddess, but not without service to love and gratitude.

How can LOVE work through me? I live with this question. I may be completely connected to source, but without service, what? I carry an immense gratitude for ‘this’ clarity; for the direction it takes me. As I whisper in prayer, I hear the same ol’ haters, “who are you even talking to…why…is it just because you want something…on and on”. I now feel and know it is love I’m talking to…always accessible. How would I deny this connection over doubt? Because the mind can create a wall. Your ego can dominate your life where no light is perceived. Yet, without the time I spent buried in doubt and confusion, I could not have experienced what I now experience as TRUSTING LOVE.

I know the thought and time I left the phone call to LOVE…I didn’t hang up, but it was giving out a busy signal for years…a repetitive pattern leading me through dark nights; driving me back. I told myself and believed as a young adolescent that God (that guy up in the clouds) created me, and I had no control over my thinking. I even felt my thoughts WERE ME; a total identification with the mind. Because I had so many conflicting questions surrounding my religious upbringing, I believed, “I can’t help it, God created how I am and surely I cannot go to hell for disbelieving things that do not feel true”. When I walked away from the dogma, I left my connection to unconditional love with it. I threw out the baby with the bath water.

It is my practice to keep this Intellegence on the line. I’ve gained a faith in myself that carries my spirit and connects me back to THE source. Living in this knowing and coming through the illusion of apathy is true re-birth, reinvigorated spirit, and awakened mind…this is what heaven feels like! This connection, it’s a BEAUTIFUL PLACE. I’M ALL IN.

Deep Love and Gratitude for hearing my story…